It has been a week since I last published. I had a lot of cute photos and stories and things that I was going to post, that is, until the shootings at Virginia Tech yesterday.
I hope this doesn't offend anyone, but I am having a hard time with this, but for a different reason than I would have thought.
I am ashamed to admit that I am completely shocked by my lack of emotion. Don't get me wrong, I am sad. Extremely sad. I am angry, at what, I don't know, but for the most part, I am able to separate myself from what is going on just 4 hours away from here and go on with life as usual.
Maybe, over time, the craziness of our world has been desensitizing me to these large-scale tragedies. I remember having a stronger reaction to Columbine, which happened in a place and to people that I had no connection with, other than the television media reports. At that time, I couldn't have imagined that kind of thing ever happening in this country.
But now, today, has it become "thinkable" that something like this could happen? Has it just become easier to go on with life even though this has happened in my own state, in a city where my in-laws live, and on a campus where they have worked? Shouldn't this be so tragic that I am emotionally spent for the families that have lost their children?
My intellect tells me what an incredible tragedy this is. In fact, I wonder if the reason I am so detached is that I just might not be able to wrap my brain around what has happened yet. I am hoping this is the case, and not that I am learning how to emotionally "deal" with this kind of violence in my world.
What is going to happen to this world as my children grow up? When they go to college, will I worry about their safety to a degree that I can't even comprehend right now? Will there be things that will happen in the future that will make the shootings yesterday seem "mild"? What a petrifying thought.
When I really think about it, I realize:
15 years ago, that could have been me there.
15 years from now, it could be one of my sons there.
Right now, it could be a friend there, or my mother-in-law, my father-in-law, a work acquaintance, a friend's child, someone from my church family, or a neighbor.
My point is, these kids were just like US, you and me; ready for their future, preparing, dreaming, planning, expecting, anticipating. And now they are gone. I spend moments of every day of my life thinking of my future, and you know what, we aren't guaranteed another one minute here.
As a Christian, death does not frighten me. It is actually something I look forward to. But I want to be sure that if I were to join Christ tomorrow, that I had lived this magnificent life in such a way that not He, nor any of those students who were taken away so quickly and violently, will be able to stand before me and ask me, "What were you thinking?! You had so much time to enjoy the earth and you did THAT with it?!"
I pray for all the friends and family members of those that lost their lives yesterday. I pray for Virginia Tech, that it will not forever be remembered for "the Virginia Tech Tragedy", but that the Hokie spirit will prevail, and the joy and honor and fanaticism apparent in all the students and alumni will prevail over this evil and will raise VT back up, to show the world what a wonderful, spirited, ALIVE school it is. I pray for this world, for the people that have so much anguish and hatred and sorrow that they could even have thoughts about doing what that tormented young man did, let alone carry out such a monstrous plan. I pray for God's peace, as only he can provide.