Monday, January 28, 2008

Why books about raising kids are obsolete

I read a gazillion books when we had Brody, our first child. I actually remember being up at 5am (after LONG hours of crying and having nursing problems) with Kurt on the floor, and 5 books, yes, literally 5 books open on the floor around him. I wish I had the sense to take a picture, but as you can guess, I was otherwise occupied.

Well, none of those books did us a darn bit of good. You want to know why? Because you can never predict or generalize down in just 200 pages what kids will do, or think of, or say...

for instance...

Brody was in the family room playing the Wii on the TV about 2 weeks ago. He has been potty trained for quite some time now, but has problems *stopping what he is doing* and going to the bathroom when he is having fun on the Wii. So, the penalty is... if he doesn't stop playing to go to the bathroom, he loses Wii privileges for the rest of that day. (I am sure someone who has read one of those books is *gasping* that I am punishing my kid for having an accident. go ahead. gasp away. I read that book too.)

Anywho... so, I go into the room where he is, and immediately SMELL it. If you are a parent, you know what I mean. If you are not a parent, you still know what I mean.

I ask him, "Brody, did you have an accident?"

"Yes, in my pants. I didn't stop what I was doing."

We go into the bathroom and I am repeating the lecture for about the &#($*$^ nth time, when Brody says, "There is more poopies hiding."

"What, you have more in your bottom? Do you need to sit on the potty?"

"No, the poopies are hiding."

"What do you mean hiding? Inside you?"

"No, they are out of me. The are hiding."

The realization hits me... and I ask....

b r o d y ..... where are the poopies hiding ?

He leads me into the family room and points behind the entertainment center.

Yes, my friends, my child, not wanting to get caught for pooping in his pants, took them *out* of his pants and *THREW* them behind the television.

Where in your books does it say ANYTHING about turds hurled behind the tv? I rest my case.

4 comments:

Amylouwho said...

gross and hysterical all at the same time! I LOVE it! Maybe those people wrote those books before the Wii came out....

TheAkersFam said...

LOL... I am sure they did. And the Wii manual didn't say anything about it either!

GrammyBoopa said...

BooPa and I are still laughing. That is the funniest kids story I have read in a long time. We tried to tell you to trust yourselves and not rely on the books so much. Most of the time child rearing is trial and error, but as long as there is love it seems to turn out okay.

The Tramontanas..... said...

Ohmygosh, JEN, that is one of the funniest kid stories I've read! I think we should write our own book and call it "Throw out all the other books, MOMS. This is the only one you will ever REALLY need."